Schlock of Love

By Rich • September 2, 2009

pic4 Schlock of Love I was flicking through the cable channels last night when I came across possibly the most shallow of all reality TV shows ever. It was called ‘Rock of Love’ and features ex-Poison lead singer Bret Michaels on a completely contrived and narcisstic search for his ideal woman. The general premise is that after years at the top of the big-haired Rock game, poor lonely Bret has failed to meet his soulmate (boo-hoo) and so, doing what every good celebrity does, he’s gone on a TV reality show in order to find the love of his life. Funnily enough, Brets ‘dream woman’ appears to the sort of woman who has big-breasts, tattoos and used to be a stripper. Intellect, emotional depth and integrity don’t seem to be a big priority for Bret.

Obligingly, the TV show has lined up a bunch of blatant gold diggers and groupies for him to choose from. All with big tits, tattoos and revealing clothing. Looking very much like a guy in a whore-house perusing the girls on offer, Bret sits back as these ‘perfect’ women compete for his attention by wearing very little, behaving like airheads and dropping such winning lines as “I’m not wearing any panties”. Between ‘dates’ with each girl, Bret sets them various tasks which are apparently designed to somehow determine their ‘love’ for him. It’s like a twisted version of ‘The Apprentice’. What is obvious to everyone (including Bret, not that he cares) is that the real love of these women is money and their 15 minutes of fame.

It also becomes apparent that Bret is not really looking for the “perfect soulmate” at all. He’s just looking for a shag with one (or more) of the selected Rock Chick bimbos. If fact, it turns out that the episode I was watching was from the show’s second series (‘Rock of Love 2′). So I guess it hadn’t worked out for Bret and his “soulmate” from season one. Mind you, with Bret dishing out such charming one-liners as “Groupies are awesome”, “I’m honoured to be the hottest bachelour” and “Let’s have hot monkey sex” it’s probably not surprising the desperate girl split as soon as the cameras were turned off.

Now into it’s 3rd series, ‘Rock of Love’ is essentially a reality show about Bret Michaels picking up some women who might just as well be high-class hookers. The women want their 15 minutes of fame and the trade-off is having sex with Bret Michaels. The whole thing has a very unsavoury air to it. Especially since all the women are in their early twenties whilst Michaels is in his late 40s, with a paunch and looking pretty bloated about the face. I’m positive he’s bald under that damn bandanna he wears constantly…

Interestingly, the ‘Rock of Love’ was produced by a company called Mindless Entertainment. Watch it and allow your jaw to drop.